Why seek Psychotherapy?
Isn’t psychotherapy meant for people who are severely mentally ill, or those who have serious issues?
A common perception about psychotherapy, is that it is only sought by those who are experiencing severe mental illness. Terms such as “schizophrenia”, “borderline personality disorder”, “bi-polar disorder”, or major depressive disorder may come to mind. Or we may imagine individuals who are in such distress, that they feel unable to function within society, unable to communicate in a way that is understandable to the people around them, unable to maintain any sort of a relationship with friends and family.
No doubt, individuals who are experiencing severe, debilitating mental illness could benefit greatly from psychotherapy. And contrary to what we may imagine, many of them lead not only functional lives, but deeply fulfilling lives as well. However, in confining our view of psychotherapy to these individuals, we may overlook how helpful psychotherapy can be to those of us who are not severely mentally ill.
So, who else could benefit from psychotherapy?
A term that is often used to describe the rest of us, is “high functioning”. We go to school or college, we have a job, we attend to most of our work and responsibilities, and we spend at least minimal time with family or friends. On the surface of it, we are going about our lives without any major roadblocks. On the surface of it, we seem “okay”.
But at the same time, we may feel anxious, depressed, traumatized, addicted, oppressed, sad, angry, isolated, lonely, tired, burnt out, bored, dull. And we usually think nothing of it. We may not even recognize that we are experiencing any of these feelings. And if we do, then maybe we don’t reach out for help or support. Because no one else seems to be having these experiences. Or because no one else told us that it is okay to seek help. But really, you don’t have to go through this alone.
But I’m not alone, I have family and friends, I can just talk to them about my experiences, right?
Absolutely, family and friends can be a tremendous source of support. And our mental health often has a direct correlation with the quality and consistency of our relationships with them.
But, the conversations we have in therapy aren’t exactly like our conversations with friends and family. Yes, much like a conversation with a close friend or trusted family member, conversations in therapy involve a validation of your experiences, an affirmation of your thoughts and feelings, and a supportive, non-judgemental stance towards you. A lot of times, that’s exactly what we need. And a lot of times, we need something else.
What else do we need?
We may need-
To understand and challenge certain thoughts and behaviours that are causing us distress.
To develop helpful ways of managing emotional experiences such as stress, anger, and fear which come up in response to personal struggles, work, or relationships
To explore why we feel dissatisfied or hurt within some of our relationships, and identify the changes that would help us feel better.
To communicate our thoughts and feelings in ways which help us feel less misunderstood and more intimate within our relationships
Insight into how our early childhood experiences and past relationships are impacting our life in the present.
To foster curiosity and awareness about our sense of self, and the various identities we hold socially and politically.
To process the physical and emotional impact of addiction, abuse, or trauma, and heal as much as we can from these experiences.
To confront existential and spiritual concerns around meaning, purpose, freedom, isolation, and death.
It’s not to say that conversations addressing these concerns cannot be had with friends and family. However, our family and friends may be so invested in us and attached to our problems that they find it difficult to remain unbiased. They may provide us with advice and solutions which have worked for them, but may not necessarily be applicable to our unique situations. And most importantly, they often have problems and struggles of their own. When talking to family and friends, our conversations tend to be reciprocal. The focus is rarely solely on our problems, and we often feel the need to support them as well.
And therapy is different because?
Therapy provides you with a space where the focus is only on you. At least for one hour, each week, you can have a conversation about whatever feels most important to you- without any guilt, without any expectations, without any judgement.
You can unapologetically express yourself, and explore yourself, with the assurance that these conversations are directed towards not only helping you feel better, but also get better.
There lies the difference between friendly conversations, and therapeutic conversations. After a conversation with a friend or family member, we may feel better in the short term, because we have been able to vent our frustrations, and receive validation. But in order to get better in the long term, we would need the consistency of therapy, which guides us towards making lasting changes in our life. Despite how uncomfortable this process may be. And despite how people and the world can sometimes make it so difficult for us to change.