On Motivation

Photograph by Cristofer Maximilian

Motivation seems to rest on this idea of “needing a why”, right? Like at the very basic level, why should I not just remain slumped in my bed, and instead actually move my body. And so that why, can either be external or internal, or a combination of the both. For most of the mundane, typical aspects of life in the society I live in, there’s a pretty strong external motivation. Go to school, go to college, make friends even if I don’t like them, get a job, get a home, get married, get kids, somehow, find or create kids, and get them into your love and care. And so even if I don’t feel an internal need to do any of these, there is something external that screams in my head that life isn’t being lived unless these conditions have been met. But there’s barely any external motivation for me to maybe have fun, to find satisfying work, to focus on my physical and mental well-being, to have sustained, meaningful relationships with a few people, let alone a country or the world. Or the holy grail, to find at least one passion. Just give me one passion. Please make me interesting. I mean sure, these are considered aspirational by some sections of society, but there’s less of a penalty or judgement that’s thrust upon me if I don’t accomplish them. It’s hard enough to exist in this world, and survive a lifetime. So I will be excused for not having a passion if I still don’t have a roof over my head. Also, I feel like everything always comes back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

So in the absence of strong external motivation, any of these conditions like happiness, passion, contentment, fulfilment, require a strong internal motivation to be able to pursue, in whatever way. And when I ask myself why I want to feel happy or fulfilled, I say, “well because it’s a good thing to feel happy or fulfilled”. Which answers nothing, right. It simply means that I have imbibed a cultural notion that happiness or fulfilment is this ultimate desirable state of being . Essentially, I have this abstract goal of fulfilment, but I’m completely stumped on how to get there. I just know that I want to get there. It’s the same with happiness, passion, contentment. Just goals without a path to them. But I know, either intuitively, or from experience, that I have felt content, happy, fulfilled at some point of time, maybe very briefly, and even if I wasn’t fully conscious of it. I mean I’m sometimes so dead to what I’m feeling in the moment. When I sit by my window in the morning, sipping my coffee, I feel content, at least for a few seconds, even if I proceed to feel anxious a few seconds later when I think of the day ahead of me. When I hear the voice of a friend whom I haven’t spoken to in a long time, I feel happy at least for a few seconds, even if I procced to feel annoyed by something they say a few seconds later. When I have a conversation with a client that helps them feel better, I feel fulfilled, at least for a few minutes, even if I proceed to feel completely useless during a conversation with another client, a few minutes later.

In each of these instances, my goal was not to feel content, happy, fulfilled. The goal was to have coffee, or talk to a friend, or meet with my client. But something about engaging in these activities put me in the position to feel those states, even if only for a few seconds. And maybe that’s why, happiness, fulfilment, and contentment can’t be goals in themselves, right. I mean if there absolutely must be a goal, and I really don’t think there must be anything, but if there must be a goal, then the goal might need to be to engage with the task, the activity, the environment, or the person, which then puts me in a position to feel those emotions or states. And fortunately, or unfortunately, I need motivation to actually find and pursue all that. And most of the time, I don’t even feel the motivation to know what I want. Like why should I know what I want or need. There’s freakin layers to motivation!