The Shadow Self of Naruto Uzumaki- Part 2

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And so, the scene begins with Naruto confronting his shadow self at the Waterfall of Truth, a place where one is transported into the depths of their psyche and have the curtain pulled back on their most uncomfortable truths. A dumbfounded Naruto learns that the shadow self has in fact always existed within him, and contains within it the “precious” hatred which Naruto so carefully tries to avoid expressing. Determined to extinguish this shadow self and its hatred, Naruto immediately engages with it in battle. But as the fight between them rages on, Naruto realizes that he cannot get rid of his shadow self. The shadow self knows him too well to be overpowered.

I too have realized that I cannot get rid of my shadow self. This anger, hatred, criticism, resentment, jealousy, and insecurity within me is always going to remain, no matter how confident I become and no matter how much compassion I develop as an adult. And what I have been trying to do is to somehow distance myself from these emotions, and from this angry, critical adult self. I say to myself that this self is not who I am. This shadow self is an aberration. I am a good person, and I am not supposed to feel these negative emotions towards people or towards myself. In trying to convince myself of my overall goodness, I reject my shadow self, I resist it, and in my strongest moments, I restrain it and I control it. All the while struggling to maintain this control like a drunk riding a mechanical bull.

But maybe Naruto and I have been going about this all wrong. Maybe the point isn’t to control the critical adult self. As I mentioned previously, in a strange way, this critical self has a protective function. It is trying to protect the kid within us from being rejected by the adult world. Except that it goes about doing this in a manner that only makes the kid within us feel even more anxious and fearful. But what if we give this critical self a seat at the table. What if we invite him to a fair shot at explaining his existence? What if there is actually a possibility of reconciliation with this self?

I don’t think the critical self wants to be this way. I don’t think he wants to be controlling and stifling and restraining. I don’t think he wants to be sceptical, cynical, and distrustful. I don’t think he wants to be this gruff, mean, manager or coach-like figure that constantly puts down and shuts down the kid within me. I think he wants a break. I think he wants to rest. I think he wants to just take the back seat sometimes and let someone else do the driving. It’s tough work to always be vigilant, to always be guarded, to always be in control. But he’s afraid that if he doesn’t maintain control, then the kid within me will go wild. He’s afraid that the kid within me will become hopeful of being more, of expressing more, of receiving more, of having more. And hope is a dangerous thing in the adult world because it’s an unforgiving world and an unfair world and an uncertain world which doesn’t give a fuck about anyone’s hopes. And so, the only way to protect the kid, is for the critical self to squash all hope. No hope, no desire, no pain. Deny yourself and you shall be okay. Deny yourself and you shall be safe.