The Shadow Self of Naruto Uzumaki- Part 3
Image sourced from Reddit
After hours of fighting his shadow self, Naruto takes a break. Sitting by himself, wondering how to defeat his shadow, he remembers his recent victories which finally resulted in him being appreciated for his efforts, and celebrated as a hero by the villagers. He recalls being asked for his autograph by two villagers while sitting at the ramen shop, and how he felt awkward in the moment because he hadn’t really thought about what his autograph would even look like. Being so used to rejection and dismissal by the villagers, Naruto had never thought to prepare for the day when he would finally be accepted by them. While always striving for their approval, the shadow self within him had squashed all hope of it, and hence prevented him from envisioning a future for himself in which he could take pride in his efforts through the symbol of his autograph.
Deciding to once again confront his shadow self, Naruto shows off his newly formed autograph to him. The shadow self, disgusted by Naruto’s pride, mocks him for thinking that the villagers have now accepted him. “Everyone in the village is just sweet-talking you, they don’t mean any of it! They’ve been lying to us the whole time! Making up rules so that they can keep treating us as outcasts! Don’t you remember?!”. In a trembling voice, laced with hurt and bitterness, he continues, “It was so hard and painful…so damn painful..I’m the only one who will understand what you went through! Don’t trust anyone from the village!”.
This is the sadness that underlies the anger of the critical adult self. And he worries that my compassionate, confident adult self will forget this sadness. He worries that my confident adult self will give free reign to the kid within me, thus setting the kid up for even more rejection. But at the core of it, he worries that if my confident self takes over, then there will be no more need for him, the critical self. He worries that he will no longer have a place within me.
And this is why the reconciliation needs to happen. I need to let my critical adult self know that I cannot reject him. Because it is he who watches out for my safety. He prevents me from giving into blind enthusiasm. He prevents me from trusting too easily. He lets me know when something doesn’t feel good, and he lets me know when someone is doing wrong by me. The emotion of anger is after all a response to perceived injustice or wrongdoing. “Perceived” being the key. I need the critical self to step up when there is actual wrongdoing being done to me or to someone else, and I need him to step back when there is an opportunity for me to trust someone or something. Most importantly, I need him to step back when there is an opportunity for me to trust myself.
The critical self finds it hard to step back because he doesn’t trust that I can take care of myself. More specifically, he doesn’t trust that my confident, compassionate self will step up to action when required. And he isn’t wrong in his distrust. It has taken a while for my confident self to develop. It has taken a while for him to find his voice, after it was mangled and muffled by the adults who were around him as a kid. But today, I can do better. Today, I have achieved a certain degree of independence, experience, skill, mastery, and most of all, a deeper understanding of myself emotionally and spiritually. Today, my confident self can step up, and reassure the kid within me that he doesn’t have to be so anxious and scared all the time. Yes, the world is a tough place, and yes shit can go really wrong. But my confident adult self tells the kid that he will do whatever he can do in order to deal with it. It may not be enough to always keep the kid completely safe, but the confident adult will be there to back the kid up even when the world turns against him. That’s what I wanted from the adults around me. I just wanted to know that they’ll be there to encourage me and understand me, even when shit wasn’t going so well for me.
The critical self and the confident self need to see each other as one. As the protectors of the kid within me. Protectors of my vitality, my spontaneity, my creativity, my joy, my hope. They have different functions but are both trying to help me maintain my essence within a society that can often drive me towards suspicion and isolation.
And so, when Naruto’s shadow self screams at him accusingly, asking him whether he is a burden, and whether he is going to discard him, now that Naruto’s confident self has stepped up, Naruto responds with the utmost care and respect. “No, it is because you existed that I became strong. Thanks to you, I made it this far”. The shadow self in a fit of rage runs towards Naruto, his fists raised in the air and prepared to strike, “And now? What the hell am I supposed to do now?!”. To his shock, Naruto opens his arms wide and catches him, allowing him to sink into a tight hug. “That’s simple”, says Naruto, pulling him closer. “You just become me. Since you are me. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. We’re going to be okay now.”
